Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Being Me

It's been four years since I lost three loved ones consecutively. My beloved brother Peter passed one year, my dearest mother the next year, and my beautiful brother Tim the following year. Over these years I had not looked at myself in a full-length mirror or had not looked at myself for long periods of time in the mirror except to quickly apply makeup. I had been fit for years but was no longer.

Since I lost my loved ones I had gained weight. While I have basically been happy, I didn't altogether love the image that looked back at me. The other day I was in a department store and walked passed a full-length mirror. "Oh, hi," I said. The image smiled back at me. I bought the mirror and snapped these pictures the other day on my BlackBerry. Yeah, I remember her.

I've begun running again in preparation for a marathon this year. I'm up to 6 miles daily, 4 down from my usual 10 miles six days a week. But I feel great. I am not where I want to be, but I am thankful that I'm not where I used to be. It's amazing how we handle grief. I am grateful for God's goodness.


Dave Wheeler said...

Auntie "J",

I'm thinking you look terrific, determined, and terrifically determined! The goal of the marathon is a great one and there is no doubt it's just a matter of time until the goal is achieved! Do you have a particular race in mind you are looking at?

Grief manifests itself in many ways and I can only imagine how difficult those days were. God's goodness is a marvelous thing! God's goodness and your strength, character and determination takes that to a different level! You're the best Judith! Of this there is no doubt!

Judith Ellis said...

Dave - Thank you, my friend. Your encouragement has always meant a lot to me over these years. For this, I am grateful. I plan to run the half marathon in the spring and the full one in the fall here in Detroit.

I hear that even though I used to run 10 miles daily six days a week that this doesn't matter as far as a marathon is concerned. So, we'll see how far I get. Wish me luck. I think I can do it. I'll just be like THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULD: "I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I think." :-)

With regards to grief, it's amazing how each of my nine remaining siblings, not to mention the many nieces and nephews, have all handled these deaths--all very differently. Wonderfully, we have a strong tight-knit family and got through it together in our on way.

septembermom said...

Judith, do you know how beautiful you are? I'm so proud of all that you are. It's a privilege to know you even if only here in lovely blogosphere. It's great seeing pictures of you.

Keep running! You're doing wonderful:)

Judith Ellis said...

Thanks, Kelly, my dear friend. You are the sister of my heart. Being one of the few who has read large portions of my manuscript, you may have more insight on how I think than others in blogsphere. You turn my phrases so well.

Pamela said...

Jude, I think you are absolutely gorgeous. I'm happy for you that you are feeling good about what you see in the mirror.

And I'm happy that time and of course your faith has helped heal your heart.

I lost one of my brothers in 2007 and I can't imagine having to deal with adding anyone else to that grief. I admire your strength. I always remind myself we are so blessed to have our loved ones for as long as we do.

Take care,

Go girl!!

Judith Ellis said...

Pam - Your words reveal you as a friend and I am happy that you are here. Thank you for your encouragement.

Yes, I knew about your brother and I am sorry that you had to experience such loss. Many blessings to you and yours.

Love I send to you.

Brosreview said...

You look great Aunt! You have a beautiful heart and a strong soul. Your strong personality is reflected through your eyes.

"But I feel great. I am not where I want to be, but I am thankful that I'm not where I used to be"


Lots of love!

Judith Ellis said...

Thanks, Nephew! Your words are appreciated. Loads of love to you too.