Being is the essence out of which all things evolve. This blog is an ongoing conversation of being in various facets and areas of life, including the personal and the professional from which relationships of all kinds are formed and teams built in all communities, virtual or real, at home, at work, in politics and at play.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Being a Listener
Listening with our whole body is essential, for with this kind of listening we hear the thoughts, passions, ambitions, and creativity of others through not merely our minds, but our senses. Listening in this regards takes in and considers the whole.
I've always had a strong sixth sense and I'm a very good 'reader' of people. I think this is mostly because I'm a good listener and an observer of life and my body somehow - on a primal level - communicates what is going on around me. I also find that silence is the best indicator of things to come; it is then that many truths are revealed. I guess because the mind can absorb only so much on a conscious level each day, the rest gets filed into our subconscious and eventually it filters out in the way we seem to be most receptive.
I have to agree with Proverbs 17:28 "Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding."
I learned this the hard way throughout my life. LOL!
I have a friend who is mainly a 'phone friend' as we seldom get together even though we've known each other for 30 years and live only 4 hours apart, but she calls me often and I listen to her woes, but sadly, I can't get a word in edgewise! I finally came to grips with the fact that she'll never change. My husband thinks I should charge her therapist fees. LOL! Which I'm not, by the way, but she does come away feeling better and I feel dumped upon. I've tried to talk to her about it several times, but she just gets mad and well, I figured it is what it is and leave it at that.
A good listener is hard to find and a valuable friend, for sure!
Marion - My mother quoted that scripture often. She said very few words but boy did she have most situations pegged within seconds. I believe she understood situations through listening.
You are indeed a good friend. But I must say that I would have long insisted that such a friend grow in meaningful ways and that she be considerate of others.
Friendship is a two-way street, even though we lean heavier on one or the other at various times. But what you're describing seems to me like selfishness and disregard.
I most certainly would not endure that for 30 days, let alone 30 years without change or a real intent of such! You're a much better woman than me.
I just knew you were going to say that Judith, about my 'friend'.
Unfortunately, there isn't a divorce for friends and I don't know how to well, divorce her! LOL! She wasn't that way in the early years of our friendship, just in the past 5 or so. Any advice other than me just telling her she's selfish and a taker? (I could never do that---nevermind!) Sign me: STUCK and STUMPED! LOL! I appreciate you and you don't have to answer that question. I really don't know how to end it. Blessings! Oh, and you had a very wise mother...
Listening with our whole body, aye? Hmm, so true! I like how you've very strongly though indirectly pointed out the difference between hearing and listening here. Makes a lot of sense. Thoughtful post, as always!
I always tell my students the reason we have two ears and one mouth is because we should listen twice as much as we talk. The most important and most neglected communications skill we have is definitely listening!
12 comments:
I've always had a strong sixth sense and I'm a very good 'reader' of people. I think this is mostly because I'm a good listener and an observer of life and my body somehow - on a primal level - communicates what is going on around me. I also find that silence is the best indicator of things to come; it is then that many truths are revealed. I guess because the mind can absorb only so much on a conscious level each day, the rest gets filed into our subconscious and eventually it filters out in the way we seem to be most receptive.
What a beautiful comment, rebecca. Thank you. I especially appreciate this line:
"I also find that silence is the best indicator of things to come; it is then that many truths are revealed."
But the whole of the comment has essence.
I have to agree with Proverbs 17:28 "Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding."
I learned this the hard way throughout my life. LOL!
I have a friend who is mainly a
'phone friend' as we seldom get together even though we've known each other for 30 years and live only 4 hours apart, but she calls me often and I listen to her woes, but sadly, I can't get a word in edgewise! I finally came to grips with the fact that she'll never change. My husband thinks I should charge her therapist fees. LOL! Which I'm not, by the way, but she does come away feeling better and I feel dumped upon. I've tried to talk to her about it several times, but she just gets mad and well, I figured it is what it is and leave it at that.
A good listener is hard to find and a valuable friend, for sure!
Marion - My mother quoted that scripture often. She said very few words but boy did she have most situations pegged within seconds. I believe she understood situations through listening.
You are indeed a good friend. But I must say that I would have long insisted that such a friend grow in meaningful ways and that she be considerate of others.
Friendship is a two-way street, even though we lean heavier on one or the other at various times. But what you're describing seems to me like selfishness and disregard.
I most certainly would not endure that for 30 days, let alone 30 years without change or a real intent of such! You're a much better woman than me.
I just knew you were going to say that Judith, about my 'friend'.
Unfortunately, there isn't a divorce for friends and I don't know how to well, divorce her! LOL! She wasn't that way in the early years of our friendship, just in the past 5 or so. Any advice other than me just telling her she's selfish and a taker? (I could never do that---nevermind!) Sign me: STUCK and STUMPED! LOL! I appreciate you and you don't have to answer that question. I really don't know how to end it. Blessings! Oh, and you had a very wise mother...
LOL, Marion! I see you've been "listening." :-) Blessings to you ...and her! Peace...
Listening with our whole body, aye? Hmm, so true! I like how you've very strongly though indirectly pointed out the difference between hearing and listening here. Makes a lot of sense. Thoughtful post, as always!
Auntie Judith,
I always tell my students the reason we have two ears and one mouth is because we should listen twice as much as we talk. The most important and most neglected communications skill we have is definitely listening!
Thanks, Ajey. I like it when you pass through.
"The most important and most neglected communications skill we have is definitely listening!"
I could not agree more, Dave.
Listening is one of the primary resposibilities of an actor on the stage.
So true, DB.
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