When I was working on my PhD I met Clara, a brilliant nuclear physicist who also had a degree in electrical engineer and was working for one of the Big Three. This was an English theory class offered in the evening which focused on the works of great philosophers. Clara never missed a class and she was quite an impressive figure, both intellectually and physically.
I was drawn to Clara immediately because her mind was quick and her questions penetrating. She stood 6' 2" with a ruddy complexion, auburn hair and a voice that was slightly on the rough side. We got on fine. During breaks I would find her and we'd talk. After class we'd walk out together, talking about stuff, mainly class material but never personal matters.
One day about half way through the semester she asked if I would be "willing" to meet her for lunch the next day. There was something that she wanted to tell me. "Sure," I said. "You pick the restaurant," she replied with the biggest smile. "OK," I said.
As I got into my car, my heart sank. Oh, God, I thought, what does she want to tell me? Is she interested in a relationship with me? I assumed she was gay. But I didn't worry about it. The next afternoon we met at a popular spot near my house.
We arrived at the restaurant at the same time and walked in together. As the hostess took us to our table, we got tons of gawks; people began whispering as we passed. This angered me incredibly. I drew Clara to me and told her that it was good to see her. She smiled and embraced me midway to our table. There! As Bonnie Rait says, "Let's give them something to talk about. Let's give them something to figure out. Let's give them something to talk about. How about love?"
I ordered salmon salad. She did not eat. The conversation went like this:
"I want to share something with you."
(I looked at her with the most compassionate I could
give, thinking that people must stare at her all the
time. It's funny. I never saw what others might have
seen until that afternoon.)
"I am transgender. My name used to be Charles...
(Wow! That never even occurred to me.)
"I hope that's OK."
"Everything is alright."
"My insides hurt. My emotions are a wreck. I have to
take many pills daily. I'm sick of swallowing. My
family is in a mess; my wife has been great throughout
this, but she's not well. My children, especially my
son, are in bad shape."
"Where does he live?"
"With us. But he needs to find his own place. I told
him that I'd pay for wherever he'd like to go. But he's
afraid or something."
"How is your relationship?"
"It's good. But my change has affected him."
"Is he seeing someone?"
"Yes, for some years now. He's a good boy."
"I have a friend who owns a lot of houses; I'd be
happy to see what she has available."
"Oh, thank you."
"Does he want to be near campus?'
"That would be good. I'll pop in often."
"OK. I'll check with her."
"Thank you, Judith. My life is a mess. It's
been 10 years now. My wife is so good."
"What a woman!"
"My family is very wealthy and I visit them
occasionally on the East Coast. But we've never
been a close family. I spent my life with
nannies and at boarding schools."
"Are you seeing someone?"
"Yes, I have been seeing various psychiatrists for years,
before and after the surgery."
"Well, that's good."
"My body is completely out of sorts. I am so sorry I
did this. I thought that I was in pain then. The pain is
unbearable now. I don't think I will live."
"You shall live and not die!"
"It hurts so bad."
"Live!"
(I tried to contain my emotions as she spoke further, but
tears rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably.)
"I don't know."
"I love you, Clara. God loves you too. He sees who you are
and you are very, very dear to Him."
"Thank you so very much for that, Judith."
We were together for a few hours that afternoon and by the end of our conversation I could tell that she was feeling better. I gave her the biggest hug ever as we walked to our cars. She said, "ouch." That made both of us laugh.
When I saw her the following week in class, not much had changed. She still offered her brilliant comments and thought-provoking questions. But I noticed something about her voice that was slightly different. There was a noticeable smile there.
There is nothing like the love and support of others. Give love away.